Funny things my kid says

Welcome to my first installment on funny things that my kids say! Since Wyatt isn’t really talking yet, these are all from Porter. I’ve been collecting them on my phone for the last several months. I’m not sure if everyone will find these as hilarious as I do, but I hope you are at least entertained by the expressions of my 4 year old!

“My hands are fans!” He says excitedly as he frantically flaps them.

“A long time ago I was daddy’s age and daddy was my age and I was daddy’s age!”


Mommy: “Porter, we don’t ever talk about killing other people, even bad guys. Its very mean.”

Porter: “But Jesus will take them to heaven.” (we’ve been emphasizing not killing bad guys, but that police take them to jail. And Jesus taking them to heaven must have come from primary)


While eating peaches: “No houses can fit in moufez (plural for mouth, rhymes with houses). They only fit outside. Only little food like peaches fit in moufez.


Reading our Star Wars ABC book, very solemnly: “There’s Darf Elevator. A bad elevator.”


“But we can’t move. Our house is too big for people to carry it.”


Porter, talking about bad guys: “Police take them to jail. And then Jesus takes them to heaven.”

Mommy: … trying to keep a straight face and figure out how to respond…

Porter, sensing he got something amiss: “Sometimes. But not always.”


Porter sighs. “I’m so defloated.”

Mommy surpresses a giggle. “What does that mean?”

“It means you’re missing a part.” Of course it does, that makes sense.


“I’m going upstairs and pretend to cry.”

“You like pretending to cry?”

“Yeah, because I like feeling better. I like to cry and then feel better and then cry and then feel better.” Proceeds to go upstairs, fake cries, and then comes downstairs grinning and happy.


We were watching an animated adaptation of one of our favorite books, Lost and Found by Oliver  Jeffers. During the most emotional part, where the boy and his penguin friend are about to be reunited, Porter says, “This is a long part. It gives me energy tears.” I look over at him and sure enough, the emotions of the moment brought tears in his little eyes. I melted.


While playing at the park the other day: “Welcome to Babylon. Babylon is the city over there with three wheels and those cars.”


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